TO:      Hizzoner, Da Mare.
FROM:     Da Marketing Agency.
RE:          Sexy Chicago campaign – work in progress

“Marketing is like sex. Everyone thinks they’re good at it.”

We learned how true that saying is, after our October 26 post called for a campaign to claim Chicago’s rightful place as the world’s sexiest city. We were swamped with ideas. But now we’ve eliminated all the business-as-usual beauty pageant ideas (and their downscale cousins, wet T-shirt contests) and come up with half a dozen recommendations:

1.  A Labor Of Lust.
The Sexy Chicago campaign will lead an initiative for the entire Rust Belt, the industrial territory stretching from New York State, across the Great Lakes States and up into Wisconsin.
•    From now on the “Rust Belt” will be known as the “Lust Belt,” and Chicago will be positioned as its buckle.
•    “Chicago Unbuckled” marketing events will include tours to visit voiceover talent agency Naked Voices, the Naked Furniture store, and the site of the notorious turn of the century luxury brothel, the Everleigh Club. In June, our guests can also participate in the World Naked Bike Ride.

2. Get Wet.
To make marketing more efficient, we’ll build on what Chicago is already famous for. For example:
•    We’re composing a new theme song for the Chicago-To-Mackinac sailboat race in August. It’s a take-off on a Beatles classic, now renamed “Why Don’t We Do It In The Lake?”
•    We’re also working on a North Side vs. South Side, Cubs vs. Sox program that invites fans to “get to first base, get to second base” and so forth.

3. Let’s Get Busy.
Of course, we’ll be getting the local business community involved.
•    To transform our brutally cold winters into something sexy, we’re in talks with Peoples Gas and Nicor to run a “Turn Up The Heat” promotion. Instead of putting on a sweater, Chicagoland consumers could win enough free natural gas heat to go naked in their homes all winter long.
•    And we’re starting a non-profit That Chicago Sensation Foundation to fund smaller businesses’ development of sexy products and services. The first recipient will probably be Dr. Elena Bodnar, inventor of a bra that splits in half to become his and hers emergency gas masks.

4. Everybody’s Doing It.
To assure participation by all Chicagoans, we borrowed inspiration from the popular Take Your Pet To Work days.
•    We’ll be inviting Chicagoland citizens to dress down during “Go To Work In Your Underwear Day.”
•    Of course, recognizing that Chicago is not Miami or LA, we’ll encourage our more modest (or less attractive) citizens to just wear a lapel button, or wear their underwear on the outside of their clothing.

5. Good Enough To Eat.
On the Chicago food front, we’ve enjoyed some unexpected help from a tourist from the UK. We want to use Aaron Everitt’s deeply sensual testimonial about his first experience with Chicago-style deep dish pizza.
•    “The whole experience is basically the dietary equivalent of sex…first of all you have a 45 minute wait while the pizza cooks…which is a time where they ply you with appetizers… think of these as the foreplay.”
•    “When you’re done you feel an overwhelming sense of elation and also a curious amount of tiredness – all you want to do is sleep.”

6. Get All Worked Up.
Finally, we believe it’s time to reconsider that classic Chicago slogan, “The City That Works.” We recommend a better fit for Sexy Chicago:  “The City That Smirks.” It’s the perfect way to pay off a campaign that does exactly what marketing’s supposed to do:
•    Begin by promising gratification.
•    End with fulfillment.

“Sex sells.” It’s a well-known marketing maxim that seems to have worked against Chicago, when the IOC chose Rio de Janeiro to host the 2016 Olympics.

Why wouldn’t they? After all, everyone knows that:
•    Rio is sexy, with all those girls in nearly nonexistent bikinis, hot days and nights on the beach, and so forth.
•    Here in Chicago all we’ve got is freezing winds off the lake, lumpy woolen overcoats down to our knees and a preponderance of potato-shaped people. Right?

Wrong! Without any inherent bias (even though I live, work here and love it here), I can say that Chicago is the world’s sexiest city. And knowing that one of the strategic roles of marketing is to overcome misperceptions about companies or products, I propose a Sexy Chicago campaign based on these three indisputable facts:

1. Sex was invented in Chicago.
It all started when Hugh Hefner founded Playboy magazine here in 1953. Before that, human beings reproduced by splitting in half like amoebas. And now one of the best-known women in the world, married to a man whose voice is from Chicago, is appearing on the cover of Playboy. (Full disclosure: I once worked for Playboy.)

2. Other cities talk about sex; Chicago does it.
In a recent survey, cell phone manufacturer Samsung asked 300 residents each from Chicago, Boston and Washington, D.C. if they’d rather live without cell phones or sex for a year. The result: 39% of Boston and DC women would give up sex in favor of their phones, but only 36% of Chicago women.

3. We just hosted the Sexy Chicago marketing event of the century (so far).
Just the other day “The Wings Landed On Michigan Avenue” with a VIP grand opening ceremony heralding the new 13,000 square foot Victoria’s Secret Flagship store, selling sex with:
•    A body scanner that captures digital images of the shopper’s body and suggests bras best for her shape.
•    A special VIP fitting room with a Bra Wardrobe Center to quickly deliver different bra styles and sizes.
•    Displays of Victoria’s Secret Angel wings from past fashion shows, worn by Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio.
•    Online voting asking “What Makes Chicago Sexy?” supported by online video commentary by Chicagoans like the Chicago Bears’ Lance Briggs, the White Sox’ Gordon Beckham, Kid Sister and others.
•    Secret Rewards handouts on Michigan Avenue with the chance to win $10, $50, $100 or $500 off any purchase or two tickets to the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
•    A traffic-building mobile campaign: Text CHICAGO to ANGEL (26435) to receive product alerts and special offers and coupons.
•    And an invitation at the Victoria’s Secret Chicago home page: Upload your photo, then see yourself wearing the iconic Victoria’s Secret wings.

Be part of Sex And The Second City, Part 2

All this was just to sell sexy underwear to Chicago. But this kind of energy can be used to achieve a greater goal. Here at R&M we’re working on part 2 of this post, answering the question “How can we sell Chicago to the world, by helping it regain its well-deserved role as the Sexy City?”

Should we hold a Sex Olympics, a sort of Kama Sutra competition, to make up for losing the real Olympics? What do you think? Send us a comment telling us how you’d market the Sexy Second City.