How To Make Art and Business Behave

As the father of two teens, I’ve learned to live with “but she started it!” bickering.  I can deal with it, because I know they’re growing up fast.

Dealing with the art vs. business bickering reported in the August 23rd New York Times is a little harder: “Traditionally museums have been loath to allow the sponsors of an exhibition a significant role in curatorial decision making — particularly when the sponsor is a corporation, given the potential taint of commercialization and artistic compromise. And most major museums still draw the line there.”

I thought the “artistic compromise” controversy was resolved 400 years ago, when Shakespeare and Peter Paul Rubens the painter proved you could create great art and be a successful businessman at the same time. And today, programs like the Bank of America Museums On Us® show that art and business can co-exist and prosper together.

But evidently some of the people on the two sides have not grown up yet. To end this bickering once and for all, or at least to encourage them to shut up, “Dad” (that would be me) proposes the following Commandments For The Art Vs. Business Controversy:

Commandments for artists
•    Thou shalt not insist that money corrupts creativity and then insist on outrageous prices for your work. Penalty: You will be exiled to a flea market to make and sell velvet Elvis paintings to people without indoor plumbing, or front teeth.
•    Thou shalt not utter the word “uptight” while speaking with a business person. Penalty: You will squeeze into underwear two sizes too small, then dance to Uptight It’s All Right played by Lawrence Welk and his Champagne Music Makers.
•    Thou shalt not use the worn-out word “bourgeois” to describe business people. Penalty: Like the old-time Leftist you sound like, you shall live on a diet of potatoes, turnips, rutabagas and vodka. And it won’t be Grey Goose.

Commandments for business people
•    Thou shalt not ask artists to “just make a little revision” in their work in case “someone might get offended.” Penalty: Ars Gratia Pecuniae (Art For The Sake Of Money) will be tattooed on your forehead. One of the words will be misspelled.
•    Thou shalt not say that artists are “self indulgent and out of touch with reality.”  Penalty: Your BMW, your Bling H2O bottled water and your Kopi Luwak cat poop coffee will be sold to benefit starving artists.

•    Thou shalt not claim you’re “supporting the arts” when you choose paintings to match your living room decorating scheme. Penalty: Guerrilla interior decorators will invade your home and paint everything beige – walls, furniture, family members, pets, even you.

The ultimate penalty
Artists and business people who continue to break these commandments will get an all-expense trip to a place where an impartial 3rd party, neither artists nor business people, decides what “good art” is: North Korea.

Is this clear? Can you two stop bickering and behave now? Don’t make me come up there!

Tags: art vs. business, arts marketing, arts sponsorship, business vs. art, Museums On Us

This entry was posted on Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 1:20 pm and is filed under Alan Maites, Cool/Funny/Unusual. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.